The Orange Story

Personal

Oct 4

The customary advice for wedding reception speech-givers is to say something nice, something funny, tell a story from the past and to end with a piece of advice for the future. I hear a lot of wedding speeches…2-5 at every wedding so I’ve heard a lot of marriage advice in my career (a perk of the job). Most of them start with, “When the inevitable disagreement comes up…” “When the honeymoon phase is over…” Then, the advice is given… “Remember this day” “Don’t go to bed angry” and many others.

I often think about what advice I would give during one of these speeches. What I think I would say isn’t what to do in response to an argument…how to hand it, it would be advice for a mindset for the days before it and every day, along with something to think of in the days after the inevitable disagreement. It’s the orange story told many times but ultimately derived from Dr. Wayne Dyer. Here’s how it goes:

Imagine a perfect, ripe orange cupped in your hand. It is cool, smooth and waxy on your skin. You bring it up to your nose and inhale its fragrant scent. Good.

Now, imagine squeezing this perfect, plump orange until it breaks open. What would come out of it? Apple juice? Lemon Juice? NO. Of course not. Every human on the planet that has any experience in the world knows orange juice will come out of this fruit.

Why?

Well, duh. Because that’s what’s inside it.

Now,

What happens when someone squeezes YOU or your PARTNER? What comes out? Does love, compassion and understanding come out or does hatred, spite and ignorance come out?

Why?

Because that’s what’s inside. Something to think about.

That’s pretty much the end of the formal orange story by Dr. Dyer but I want to add to it a bit. Most motivational speakers and blogs I have read that tell this story will continue by talking about your responsibility for filling yourself up with love, compassion and understanding so that when you are squeezed, that is what comes out. This is 100% true. What I want to ADD is that you ALSO play a role in filling up your PARTNER and family members as well. You have the capacity to add to the positive that is inside them. You can fill them up with praise, gratitude, touch, compassion so that when YOU or anything eventually squeezes him or her…you will reap the benefits of your efforts. We need to take responsibility for our role in what’s inside our partners, family members and those close to us.

Now, I’m not saying that you are responsible for 100% of what’s inside your partner…just that you have the power to add to it.

It’s not easy to consistently fill your partner with positivity. It’s not easy to pick up your partner’s slack around the house on his/her busy days. Its not easy to give him/her the space needed when he/she is feeling overwhelmed. It’s not easy to wash the dishes ONE MORE TIME. It’s not easy to work all day and then remember to thank your partner for taking care of the kids all day. It’s not easy to take care of the kids all day and thank your partner for working hard outside of the home all day.

It’s easy to be spiteful. It’s easy to be jealous. It’s easy to make rude remarks. It’s easy to bring up old hurts and wrongs. It’s easy to think of yourself first. It’s easy to play the victim and keep score.

It’s also your choice.

Fill your spouse up with YOUR negativity and that’s what’s going to come out when he/she’s squeezed. It doesn’t matter who or what does the squeezing but whatever is in there is going to come out.

I have noticed that the kinder and more thoughtful Marc and I are to each other, the kinder and more thoughtful we are with the kids…especially through the tantrums. When we are filling each other up with love…that’s what’s coming out for our kids too.

Let’s fill each other up with love, compassion, understanding and positivity today and every day.

What can you do TODAY to fill your partner, family member or even coworker with positivity?

I’m putting THIS PHOTO of an orange up in my house to remind me of this message daily. Please feel free to download it for FREE (a great phone wallpaper reminder as well) or purchase a print for yourself!