Choosing Your Wedding Party
The sweetest bridal party for Alyssa & Jon at The Barn at Stoneybrooke
Selecting a wedding party is harder for some than others.
If you have a small group of very close friends and siblings, it makes your life much easier…it’s them!
If, on the other hand, you have a HUGE group of friends or a group of friends from different chapters of life living in different areas, how do you go about making your selections?
1. Consider how big you really want your wedding party to be.
Smaller numbers will make organizing during the planning months much more cohesive and traveling from place to place on the wedding day much easier on you. You will only have to track down a small number of people to plan with. Plus, finding a date for your shower/bachelor(ette) party won’t make them all crazy.
Larger numbers, while fun at times and will alleviate your fears that someone will feel left out, can be a mess. From getting along, the time it takes everyone to get ready to transportation and lodging, selecting dresses/suits, the more people you have the more roadblocks you could possibly face.
The biggest consideration from my perspective as the photographer is how long it takes everyone to get dressed…and not just the girls. I’ve seen it take 30-45 minutes for the guys just to get their ties tied while watching YouTube videos on how to do it. *please practice tie tying before the wedding day.
2. Consider the cost for them
Not everyone has the means to support the financial side of being in your wedding party. The costs can be high: dress, gift, bachelor(ette) party, hotel, hair & makeup for the girls. It all adds up quickly and it may not be in the budget for everyone. Don’t assume someone you think may have the funds does…you may be surprised.
3. Ask
Maybe an obvious consideration but being part of a wedding party is not for everyone. Make sure to ask in a way that makes it comfortable for him/her to say no with grace. Don’t take it personally if someone says they would rather be part of the regular guest list. It could be the cost, maybe they just aren’t comfortable, it could be a religious consideration, or any number of reasons. It may be better if you don’t know why so make it easy for him/her to answer one way or the other without feeling too guilty.
4. Don’t ask someone you are worried will be drama…including close family
Maybe you have a sister that has DIVA written across her forehead. Maybe it’s a fraternity brother that hasn’t mentally left the frat house. It’s YOUR DAY. If you are worried someone in particular is going to ruin the most special day of your life, just don’t ask them.
5. Consider parents of small children
Being part of a wedding party is harder as a parent of small children. There are additional stresses and definitely additional costs if hiring a babysitter is involved. If you want this person’s children to be in the wedding party as the ring bearer and/or flower girl, they may appreciate the option to be in or out themselves personally so that they can focus on the kids during the wedding day. My own sister chose not to be a bridesmaid so that she could help her kids get dressed and through their parts of the day without the added stress of being “in it” too. It worked out well for both of us.
6. Imagine you day
…and bring a specific person to mind you are considering as part of your bridal party. Is the day better or more fun with that person there? Invite him/her. Is it more stressful? Don’t.
It’s your day. It’s your choice. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say that they barely even talk with the members of their wedding party years later as their lives grow farther and farther apart. And, if you invite someone to be in your wedding party that you know brings you stress, who can you blame but yourself when you have a stressful wedding day?